Well I started with focusing on being a daughter of the most high God. I had to first realize whose I was, before knowing who I was. He created me to be a woman after His heart. So before I embark on self discovery, what better way to help me find out who I truly am, than going to the one who created me. I started praying that He gives me a clear understanding of my purpose in life. He gave me so much more. He's a perfect father like that.
I opened the door to that room that I didn't want anyone to see. The one that hid all of my insecurities, short-comings and sinful past. I had to give it all up to the Lord and repent so I could start anew in Him. Then I had to forgive myself for falling short. How many of you know that sometimes you can be harder on yourself than anybody else. I resolved to lose myself in Christ and develop a new relationship with Him, free of burdens and distractions.
I started thinking about my role as a woman that God created. In the beginning in the garden of Eden, God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, so He created a wife for him. This gave me the revelation that my husband is alone without me in this world. I'm his rib that is vital to his very existence. Then I am to be his help meet, someone to help him fulfill his purpose in Christ. Upon closer examination I also realized I am a softer more delicate version of him. I'm his comfort and safe haven. He should feel secure to trust in me and be venerable with me. As his wife, he reveals a side of himself that no one else has privileged to. That's why I can damage him so severely with my words and actions. As a woman, God revealed just how powerful I can truly be. I can build up or tear down an entire home by my actions(or lack there of.)
Children are a blessing! And I had to remind myself of that when I was up to my ears in dirty laundry, a messy home, tripping over toys..etc The Lord revealed that this is an important role. To be trusted to raise up followers for Jesus. I'm honored that God entrusts me with such a task. Once I was aware of just how influential my role as mother was. I set out to make the most of my time with my little blessings. I still have ways to go but I have grown so much in this area.
Now I'm back on track and living my life filled with the knowledge that has been bestowed to me by the spirit. I still struggle in some areas, but Christ has me by the hand and in some instances, he carries me. But no matter how, I will still get there, right where He wants me.
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